With a recent increase in the number of accounts suspended from the social media site, The Onion examines all the things that will get you permanently banned from Elon Musk’s Twitter. bit.ly/3UsAJOW

The Onion (@TheOnion)Thu, 10 Nov 2022 17:15 GMT

https://twitter.com/mattblaze/status/1590743928315465729

Any Twitter engineer being asked to certify compliance to a regulatory agency (such as the FTC) should seek independent (their own) legal advice before signing anything or making any statement to regulators. This is a bus you do NOT want to be thrown under.

matt blaze (@mattblaze)Thu, 10 Nov 2022 16:33 GMT

https://twitter.com/caraesten/status/1590790172870070273

none of this makes any sense, never change random twitter users, never change

Cara (@caraesten)Thu, 10 Nov 2022 19:35 GMT

probably my favorite bit of weirdness after all the twitter drama is people who are _still_ in twitter employees' @ replies asking to get verified

Cara (@caraesten)Thu, 10 Nov 2022 19:35 GMT

Today is my last day at VMware. I am a better person from all that I’ve learned and the relationships I’ve made. Next week starts a new adventure!

Bryan Liles (@bryanl)Thu, 10 Nov 2022 19:10 GMT

When people say ‘this upcoming economic downturn’ I can’t help but ask what people think has been going on for the past year at this point

Jason Warner (@jasoncwarner)Thu, 10 Nov 2022 19:35 GMT

https://twitter.com/HaysKali/status/1590729727459086337

The "return to office" mandate is likely an attempt to get more employees to quit so that he doesn't need to pay severance. It doesn't help productivity, profitability or morale.

never meet your idols (@Obersts001)Thu, 10 Nov 2022 15:52 GMT

So Musk sent his first Twitter email at 230 am, told his remaining ~4k staff they all must work in-office now full-time; the overall economic picture 'is dire;' that Twitter 'will not survive the upcoming economic downturn' unless the business becomes 50% subscription based...

Kali Hays (@HaysKali)Thu, 10 Nov 2022 15:34 GMT

this is literally so insane it’s like telling a random construction worker he’s also responsible for doing building code inspections like that’s not his job and u could get sued like WHAT is elon doing

first-mate prance (@bocxtop)Thu, 10 Nov 2022 18:08 GMT

Strong statement from FTC, following the security and privacy departures at Twitter: "We are tracking recent developments at Twitter with deep concern. No CEO or company is above the law, and companies must follow our consent decrees."

Cat Zakrzewski (@Cat_Zakrzewski)Thu, 10 Nov 2022 16:54 GMT

but they were, all of them, deceived, for another checkmark was made

JRR Jokien 🗡️🏹🪓 (@joshcarlosjosh)Wed, 09 Nov 2022 21:44 GMT

Elon, please do not suspend @johnlewisretail. They are not doing a parody of me, it's an homage. twitter.com/elonmusk/statu…

John Lewis (@johnlewis)Wed, 09 Nov 2022 14:17 GMT

https://twitter.com/johnlewis/status/1590770834935009281

What a massive cockwomble. Not our John Lewis

Lynn Jackson (@Lynnjuk)Thu, 10 Nov 2022 18:19 GMT

So to summarise. There are now two blue checkmarks. One always tells the truth. One always lies. One leads the way to the castle. One will send you to the bog of eternal stench

Taliesin & Evitel (@TaliesinEvitel)Wed, 09 Nov 2022 22:37 GMT

https://twitter.com/RobDenBleyker/status/1590721147754401792

the theme of 2022 so far is that billionaries are just idiots who got lucky

Rob DenBleyker (@RobDenBleyker)Thu, 10 Nov 2022 15:01 GMT

Fuck this guy.

Post details

Elon Musk scraps Twitter’s work from home policy theguardian.com/technology/202…

The Guardian (@guardian)Thu, 10 Nov 2022 12:24 GMT

Kristen McHugh (pinned still relevant, she/her) (@kristenmchugh22)Thu, 10 Nov 2022 12:33 GMT

https://twitter.com/mark_riedl/status/1590759093425537024

singularity that could have destroyed the universe. (2/2)

Mark Parody Riedl (find me @riedl@sigmoid.social) (@mark_riedl)Thu, 10 Nov 2022 17:31 GMT

Love that twitter confirmed Elon is not an important figure and had to pay his own company to get the check mark 😂😂😂😂😂😂

Classical Studies Memes for Hellenistic Teens (@CSMFHT)Thu, 10 Nov 2022 08:23 GMT

https://twitter.com/tomcritchlow/status/1590761156313915392

What will year 9 bring? Who knows. Only one thing is certain...

Tom Critchlow (@tomcritchlow)Thu, 10 Nov 2022 17:40 GMT

RT @nhqe :shocked_pikachu:

Carol ⭐️ (@CarolSaysThings)Thu, 10 Nov 2022 11:10 GMT

The modern condition is mostly trying to do things on your own that people have historically achieved with a large support network and wondering why you're tired all the time.

David R. MacIver (@DRMacIver)Sun, 30 Oct 2022 22:40 GMT

If you didn’t think people were bad at verifying information before, just wait until you see the social experiment that is Twitter Blue.

Runa Sandvik (@runasand)Thu, 10 Nov 2022 06:29 GMT

Would you let arms dealers run peace talks? - I asked during #COP26 in Glasgow. This year at #COP27 there are 636 fossil fuel lobbyists - a 25% increase. That’s more than any African country has delegates. #KickBigPollutersOut

Nadia Whittome MP (@NadiaWhittomeMP)Thu, 10 Nov 2022 12:02 GMT

had a very me moment today when i thought ‘oh it’s mild today gonna open my coat’ then i walked out of the coffee shop into a gd gale that blew my top up to my neck so i flashed my bra to the whole street, fml

Carol ⭐️ (@CarolSaysThings)Thu, 10 Nov 2022 12:06 GMT

turns out the F in FTX was to pay respects to your bank balance

Joe Poser (@J_Poser)Thu, 10 Nov 2022 09:19 GMT

Instead of watching @imacelebrity… Watch Help - a film by @Channel4 about Hancock’s policy 1hr 37mins of the gruelling & lonely deaths endured by those in care homes during the pandemic & the abandoned staff who could only watch in horror You might not find it such a hoot…

Marina Purkiss (@MarinaPurkiss)Thu, 10 Nov 2022 08:25 GMT

Kyle R1ttenh0use literally only has a fanbase coz he killed two people and got away with it and he just got verified on here but only coz he paid for Twitter Blue. And we can all see it. What a charisma-free, failed-to-get-into-his-chosen-college, oily brat.

Sooz Kempner🐀 (@SoozUK)Thu, 10 Nov 2022 07:10 GMT

https://twitter.com/mcortonscott/status/1590373063170097152

absolute joke of covid rules, the Tier system was ridiculous and that's not even covering the fact that we are apparently *still* prosecuting people post Partygate?? bbc.co.uk/news/uk-englan…

Megan Corton Scott (@mcortonscott)Wed, 09 Nov 2022 15:58 GMT

what's the opposite of a croissant? a happy uncle

Andy Bell (@piccalilli_)Thu, 10 Nov 2022 09:28 GMT

hahahahahahahahahahahaha

eli schutze🫡 (@elibelly)Thu, 10 Nov 2022 09:16 GMT

We’ll, I’ve served out my notice period and I’m officially unemployed starting today. What a weird feeling.

Phil Nash (@philnash)Thu, 10 Nov 2022 05:16 GMT

Just in: starting today (Thursday) remote work is not an option at Twitter: all employees are expected to be 40 hours in the office. Only exceptions are for those physically unable to travel to an office or exceptions signed off by Elon. Why the sudden change? My take:

Gergely Orosz (@GergelyOrosz)Thu, 10 Nov 2022 08:17 GMT

Should I go in to the office today?

nickrw (@nickrw)Thu, 10 Nov 2022 09:07 GMT

https://twitter.com/janl/status/1590638426378088448

twitter.com/GergelyOrosz/s…

Post details

Just in: starting today (Thursday) remote work is not an option at Twitter: all employees are expected to be 40 hours in the office. Only exceptions are for those physically unable to travel to an office or exceptions signed off by Elon. Why the sudden change? My take:

Gergely Orosz (@GergelyOrosz)Thu, 10 Nov 2022 08:17 GMT

eli schutze🫡 (@elibelly)Thu, 10 Nov 2022 09:33 GMT

Every morning I wake up to find a newly deranged offering from my late-night self

Katie (@ZiziFothSi)Thu, 10 Nov 2022 09:48 GMT

Me: “I am a strong, independent, grown woman. I can do difficult things!” Also me, every morning without fail: “I can't put my necklaces on and now I want to cry.” 🥲

Pauline P. Narvas ⭐ (@paulienuh)Wed, 28 Sep 2022 08:54 +0000

https://twitter.com/meemalee/status/1590611311729463296

Fake George W Bush and fake Tony Blair have made friends, I see 👀

MiMi Aye (@meemalee)Thu, 10 Nov 2022 08:30 GMT

Reviewing an OpenAPI schema written with a click-it-together tool/generator: urgh. API definitions are extremely important: don't just smash them together 😱

Certified account, trust me 🇺🇦🍥 (@Ocramius)Wed, 09 Nov 2022 10:30 GMT

https://twitter.com/brianleroux/status/1590477537238736896

Well, not without tradeoffs. Adding GraalVM to the build chain is not a trouble free thing to do. It's nice that *technically* you can make Java perform in Lambda, but you'd only want to do it if you had to.

Peter Chamberlin (@pgchamberlin)Wed, 09 Nov 2022 23:09 GMT

Imagine being held at gunpoint (bear with me) by a literate animal, and the only hope of rescue is (BEAR WITH ME) tweeting a coded message

Dennis Farrell (@DennisFarrell)Wed, 26 Apr 2017 16:23 +0000

I don't report on finance anymore, but please do not connect your bank account to Twitter

Karen K. Ho (@karenkho)Wed, 09 Nov 2022 20:43 GMT

https://twitter.com/TwitterSupport/status/1590471013154050048

How do we know you are really twitter support

Molly Knight (@molly_knight)Thu, 10 Nov 2022 00:10 GMT

How do we know this is really Twitter Support? 🤔 twitter.com/twittersupport…

Post details

We’re not currently putting an “Official” label on accounts but we are aggressively going after impersonation and deception.

Twitter Support (@TwitterSupport)Wed, 09 Nov 2022 22:26 GMT

Mehdi Hasan (@mehdirhasan)Thu, 10 Nov 2022 04:49 GMT

Right now, someone, somewhere, is building a plugin that changes the color of the checkmark based on whether it's part of a Twitter Blue subscription or not.

Hank Green (@hankgreen)Wed, 09 Nov 2022 23:02 GMT