I know a lot about writing comedy, so I bought a giant, unprofitable shoe store. I fired many employees and decided to charge Stephen King $8 a month to come to my store. Things are going badly and I believe it is the fault of a left-leaning powerful clown in upstate NY.

Eugene Mirman (@EugeneMirman)Fri, 04 Nov 2022 17:19 GMT

Me and the homies when we went outt

𝑮𝒊𝒐 🇲🇽 (@Palace_gio)Fri, 04 Nov 2022 03:07 GMT

pug owners: my dog is the cutest thing ever the dog:

PYPER🫐 (@badbbyaera)Fri, 04 Nov 2022 02:43 GMT

The worst part of all this is that, soon, we will have to rely on the @awscloud status page for outage information, which is only slightly less accurate than a stormtrooper.

Tim Banks: expense report edition (@elchefe)Fri, 04 Nov 2022 18:22 GMT

i think it is simply beautiful when a man is able to look past my mental illness and love me for my boobs

a (@aallleeexxxxxx1)Fri, 04 Nov 2022 02:35 GMT

I just saw this removed live on Elon Musk's page! "Readers added context they thought people might want to know" as twitter staff facing layoffs report the surge in advertisers cancelling their ads with Twitter.

Erin Reed (@ErinInTheMorn)Fri, 04 Nov 2022 16:40 GMT

laying off the entire curation team 4 days before incredibly consequential midterm elections in the U.S., just a genius move

Versha Sharma (@versharma)Fri, 04 Nov 2022 14:15 GMT

The init system that everybody loves to hate

When people on Twitter complain about their "free speech" being violated, they're literally only talking about content that harasses and calls for violence on vulnerable people. It's not good faith …

We need better role models in tech. Billionaire white dudes ain’t it.

Heldiney 🇺🇦 (@heldiney)Fri, 04 Nov 2022 19:18 GMT

I thought I looked nice in my sweater but my fiancée said I look like a retired member of the X-Men.

Alexis Pereira (@MrAlexisPereira)Thu, 03 Nov 2022 17:44 GMT

https://twitter.com/barry/status/1588547525392437251

At least give her credit.

Dr Meredith ‘Land Back’ Warren (@DrMJCWarren)Fri, 04 Nov 2022 15:31 GMT

If a dude can be CEO of three companies at the same time that just says to me CEO isn't a very demanding or important job.

Barry Petchesky (@barry)Fri, 04 Nov 2022 15:03 GMT

https://twitter.com/oneunderscore__/status/1588378772129992704

Considering where the rest of the money is coming from and the timing of everything, it’s undoubtedly malicious. Think about how valuable destroying a major tool of communication is to those who wish to end the powerful democracy currently teetering on a knife’s edge.

Megan Sutherlin (@MeganSutherlin)Fri, 04 Nov 2022 06:11 GMT

you know the terrible truth is the most obvious replacement for Twitter would actually be Tumblr, the dashboard is basically a good timeline, you can reblog stuff and add your own comments, you can build communities but still be part of a wider whole website, etc etc

Marie Le Conte (@youngvulgarian)Fri, 04 Nov 2022 19:03 GMT

Can confirm this is the real Elon. Any bad things posted from this account are directly attributable to Elon’s verified account. twitter.com/ejwillingham/s…

Twіtter API (@fake_api)Fri, 04 Nov 2022 15:56 GMT

Using email to notify employees of their termination is cowardly, spineless, and callous. twitter.com/tarajfrank/sta…

Vinciane de Pape (@vincianedepape)Fri, 04 Nov 2022 14:57 GMT

twitter.com/elonmusk/statu…

Bird Website API (@fake_api)Fri, 04 Nov 2022 16:03 GMT

Elon Musk firing half of Twitter by email because he overpaid for the company and has no credible idea what to do with it is insane

Jason Knight (@onejasonknight)Fri, 04 Nov 2022 08:19 GMT

twitter.com/elonmusk/statu…

🇺🇦 Ingvar Stepanyan (@RReverser)Fri, 04 Nov 2022 14:58 GMT

The new guy at Twitter dissolved all ERGs. No more Twitter Women or Blackbirds. This is so unbelievably wild to watch.

isa watson (@isadwatson)Fri, 04 Nov 2022 13:30 GMT

wont get to Tweet it, but here it is - the last @Twitter Tweet from my team and I Love y’all and thank you for the honor of a lifetime #OneTeam

Phonz (@Phonz)Fri, 04 Nov 2022 08:20 GMT

I really thought the latest tweet from The New Owner was from a verified satire account 🫢

Monica (@indigitalcolor)Fri, 04 Nov 2022 15:02 GMT

https://twitter.com/elonmusk/status/1588538640401018880

Paris Marx (@parismarx)Fri, 04 Nov 2022 14:36 GMT

https://twitter.com/elonmusk/status/1588538640401018880

Twitter is a private company and First Amendment protections do not apply to it. The same goes for advertisers who vote with their money. In order to fix an issue, you need to understand its parameters. You clearly do not.

Andrew C Laufer, Esq (@lauferlaw)Fri, 04 Nov 2022 14:55 GMT

https://twitter.com/elonmusk/status/1588538640401018880

Wait a second, advertisers exercising their free speech by choosing not to spend money on your site and pressuring you to ensure moderation is kept is destroying free speech? Sounds like you are trying to destroy theirs.

Alejandra Caraballo 🐀 (@Esqueer_)Fri, 04 Nov 2022 14:54 GMT

https://twitter.com/elonmusk/status/1588538640401018880

No, Elon - Twitter has a massive drop in revenue because of PEOPLE EXERCISING THEIR FREE SPEECH about you joining the company, trolling the Pelosi family, talking about ‘free speech absolutism’ and there being a 500% increase in racial slurs in days after you arrived.

Tom Coates (@tomcoates)Fri, 04 Nov 2022 14:29 GMT

https://twitter.com/elonmusk/status/1588538640401018880

You tweeted a conspiracy theory from a website less credible than the National Enquirer like four days ago. We all need to look inward as well as outward.

Hank Green (@hankgreen)Fri, 04 Nov 2022 14:56 GMT

do any other tech reporters just feel like

shoshana wodinsky (she/her) (@swodinsky)Fri, 04 Nov 2022 12:01 GMT

Imagine living in a Mars colony with this management style

Jon Christian (@Jon_Christian)Wed, 02 Nov 2022 17:05 GMT

Imagine firing half the company a week after you bought it and being confident that you made good decisions twitter.com/carnage4life/s…

Post details

By 9AM Pacific/Noon Eastern time tomorrow, Twitter employees will know if they're laid off or not depending on whether they get an email at their work (still have a job) or personal (fired) email. This approach is likely because everyone laid off will lose access to work email.

Dare Obasanjo 🐀 (@Carnage4Life)Fri, 04 Nov 2022 01:21 GMT

Simon Willison (@simonw)Fri, 04 Nov 2022 01:51 GMT

I got the email... I still have a job but I stayed up last night watching hard-working, talented, caring people get logged out one by one and I don't know what to say. Tweeps, you are remarkable. #OneTeam #TwitterLayoffs (My colleague captured it perfectly)

eli schutze🫡 (@elibelly)Fri, 04 Nov 2022 10:49 GMT

It is done. I’m incredibly proud of the @TwitterDev team(s), and the folks I’ve worked with across nearly 9 years to keep the API and developer platform vibrant. To those in our developer community: thank you. It was my honour to serve you.

Andy Piper (@andypiper)Fri, 04 Nov 2022 08:48 GMT

Post details

You have no idea what loss is. #TheLastofUs premieres January 15 on @HBO @hbomax #TLOU

Naughty Dog (@Naughty_Dog)Wed, 02 Nov 2022 16:01 GMT

🌸 Cute Little Cherry Boy 🍒 (@kernelDecoy)Wed, 02 Nov 2022 16:28 GMT

linkedin recruiters are like: I hope you were able to LAY OFF the halloween candy this week! You MUSK have heard the news about Twitter and I’m here to offer you a new NEST. We have a ton of roles available at a VERIFIED company that will pay you more than $8/mo! Let me know!

parker lyons  (@tweetsbyparker)Thu, 03 Nov 2022 18:49 GMT

The massive layoffs haven't quite happened yet but everyone at Twitter has already lost their job. The job they signed up for, they job they liked, the job with all the people they learned to work with and appreciate. It's a blank slate no matter which side you end up on

eli schutze🫡 (@elibelly)Thu, 03 Nov 2022 10:26 GMT

when i open my inbox tomorrow morning

Elaine Filadelfo (@ElaineF)Fri, 04 Nov 2022 00:49 GMT

This edit feature is awesome.

Eddy Guerra (@EddyWar_)Thu, 03 Nov 2022 22:07 GMT

Here's the first official communication from Twitter's new leadership to its staff, a week after Musk took over: a fun game where you get to find out if you're laid off or not based by 9am tomorrow, based on whether the email pops up in your Twitter account or personal account.

Will Oremus (@WillOremus)Fri, 04 Nov 2022 01:03 GMT

Watching people get logged out one by one, can't go to bed, can't look away. I can't believe I relate to the Avengers rn

eli schutze🫡 (@elibelly)Fri, 04 Nov 2022 03:38 GMT

There are Tweeps out there volunteering to be laid off to save teammates on Visas. I see you and I respect you. 💙💙💙 twitter.com/i/web/status/1…

ttl (@maybettl)Wed, 02 Nov 2022 21:34 GMT

Honestly I can’t imagine how stressful things are at Twitter HQ right now but I am in AWE of the god tier shitposting coming from Tweeps right now

Sophie Koonin (@type__error)Thu, 03 Nov 2022 13:40 GMT

Imagine all the cool stuff Tweeps are going to build on their own when this shitshow is over

🪳✨ (@roach)Fri, 04 Nov 2022 00:13 GMT

the fact that the first thing tweeps did when layoffs were finally, officially announced was to send so many heart emojis that we broke slack says everything no one else knows about this place. #OneTeam

Emily Fortner (@emcorinne)Fri, 04 Nov 2022 00:40 GMT

As a former SRE, I'd just like to say: This site isn't going to burn down. That's way too calm and organized a death for a site this big which apparently just fired most of the on-call staff.

foone🏳️‍⚧️ (@Foone)Fri, 04 Nov 2022 07:16 GMT

"Tech workers who didn't live through the dot com crash, you have no idea what's coming. Prepare yourselves." This isn't actionable. People who don't know what's coming probably don't know how to prepare for it. Dotcom crash survivors, what is your actionable advice for people?

Ian Coldwater 👻🌿 (@IanColdwater)Thu, 03 Nov 2022 15:47 GMT

Cool cool, Disney+ added a user agent check and blocks streaming on Linux, now, after engineers at the company previously ensured it works (since they use Linux!). Changing my user agent to Windows makes the service work again. What year is it, Disney?

Cassidy James 🐘 (@CassidyJames)Thu, 03 Nov 2022 21:17 GMT