Tag shitpost

my brother got his covid jab and text my mum afterwards 🤣🤣

. (@a_stxx)Sun, 27 Jun 2021 12:26 +0000

They bout to take the Hero exam

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Louis Vuitton Men’s Spring/Summer 2022 by Virgil Abloh

SAINT (@saint)Thu, 24 Jun 2021 17:45 +0000

SlimeGod ひ (@SlimeGuyEli)Sat, 26 Jun 2021 19:16 +0000

Rough idea for a programming language… obviously <variable-name> is <value> obviously <function-name> should <logic> everyone knows (<if condition>) { have you tried <function-call> } well actually (<optional else condition>) { have you tried <function-call> }

Miriam (But Terrible) (@TerribleMia)Sat, 26 Jun 2021 20:55 +0000

Kate Temkin 🤍💙💜💚❤️ (@ktemkin)Fri, 25 Jun 2021 13:06 +0000

pornography caters to some of the basest male fantasies: owning a house, owning a couch, owning a bus, driving around in a bus with your friends, being on speaking terms with your step-family,

Pattern Ignorer (@erasmusNYT)Fri, 25 Jun 2021 16:07 +0000

https://twitter.com/erasmusNYT/status/1408456726593126406

the fantasy of ending it all as soon as the self-disgust sets in

Please contact my office to license my commentary. (@angel_sentbyGod)Fri, 25 Jun 2021 18:20 +0000

Weird way to do subtitles for the Formula 1 race.

Ólafur Waage (@olafurw)Sat, 19 Jun 2021 13:49 +0000

Had a great first day on the HBO Max team! Good on ramp, with a few test PRs to get me started. Now to take a big sip of coffee and see what everyone’s tweeting about

Harshil (@harshil)Fri, 18 Jun 2021 01:29 +0000

https://twitter.com/mithrasangel/status/1402746791796244481

That would be great, but all I can think of is Picard getting a status report from Luis from Ant-Man.

Pouncy (@_manywaters_)Thu, 10 Jun 2021 06:54 +0000

“CAPTAAAAAIN!!” Captain, my Man the borg are here! We gon die!

UzamakiJ (@UzamakiJ)Wed, 09 Jun 2021 01:10 +0000

yes, mean JOI edging queen, deny those orgasms

j̴̢͘҉i̸̢͞z̛̛̀҉͞z̡͞w̶̵̢͜͞i̡͘t̸͝͝c̸͝h̀͏ (@fingerbIaster)Tue, 08 Jun 2021 02:03 +0000

straight men who’ve been pegged before....this is your month

kristofer thomas (@kristoferthomas)Sat, 05 Jun 2021 14:45 +0000

men will literally turn mars into a fleshlight instead of going to therapy

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"A hole drilled on Mars." -Credits: NASA-

Insta Science (@insta_science)Tue, 01 Jun 2021 08:00 +0000

j̴̢͘҉i̸̢͞z̛̛̀҉͞z̡͞w̶̵̢͜͞i̡͘t̸͝͝c̸͝h̀͏ (@fingerbIaster)Thu, 03 Jun 2021 15:37 +0000

Have YOU been racist on a night out recently? Don't worry - INR Insurers are here to help. 🥴🙋🏼

Munya Chawawa (@munyachawawa)Tue, 25 May 2021 19:15 +0000

when you have to work up the courage to make a phone call

☣️eff word☣️ (@DullVivid)Sat, 22 May 2021 06:16 +0000

if salesforce has a chief availability officer do they also have a chief consistency officer and a chief partition tolerance officer or do they only have two

Senior Oops Engineer (@ReinH)Sat, 22 May 2021 21:43 +0000

> removing bathing suit in hot tub “Hey babe, nobody’s coming over right?” Wife: “I don’t know somebody might” “Well if they do, they’ll be calling me sir from now on” Wife: “sir baby dick” THE APPRENTICE HAS BECOME THE MASTER

SQLite Boi Summer (@ken_wheeler)Sat, 22 May 2021 20:41 +0000

Rust ensures memory safety via a bunch of evangelists who strive to make sure you never forget about Rust for even a minute.

Corey Quinn (@QuinnyPig)Fri, 21 May 2021 15:35 +0000

Anybody ever achieve a status of being technical debt-free?

InfoSteph (@StephandSec)Thu, 20 May 2021 14:50 +0000

I should have bought onlyfans.dev and just have it redirect to the Android Studio download link

Prince Wilson (@maxcell)Wed, 19 May 2021 21:44 +0000

This isn’t a cat. It’s actually a CTO holding onto to an outdated opinion about a technology they used once

Jared Palmer (@jaredpalmer)Tue, 18 May 2021 17:35 +0000

These are the tech tips my bio is referencing 😘

Emily Kager (@EmilyKager)Fri, 14 May 2021 19:08 +0000

https://twitter.com/Dixie3Flatline/status/1392925121422102533

High King Fruit Topping (@Pilnok)Thu, 13 May 2021 21:32 +0000

caitlin (@0x26d)Wed, 12 May 2021 04:27 +0000

Coffee is so expensive these days which is why I can't get enough of @Starbucks "Luck of the Buck" where you leave a dollar bill on the counter and take one of the drinks they've left out. Never know what you're gonna get!!!

ben "effort grunt" flores (@limitlessjest)Wed, 12 May 2021 15:24 +0000

https://twitter.com/sabinameschke/status/1391806551355236353

𝕲𝖍𝖔𝖚𝖑🦇|✨𝕽𝖊𝖆𝖉 𝖕𝖎𝖓𝖓𝖊𝖉 𝖙𝖜𝖊𝖊𝖙✨ (@Ghoul_YK)Tue, 11 May 2021 03:08 +0000

Fuck it... the bugs in my apartment are having a hot girl summer too

Sabina Meschke (@sabinameschke)Mon, 10 May 2021 17:25 +0000

https://twitter.com/sabinameschke/status/1391806551355236353

the ultimate party pack with a twist 🐻

Tuana (@tuanabout)Tue, 11 May 2021 13:18 +0000

“Yeah, I’m a self-taught Excel user, and I do spreadsheets on my own time and at the weekends. I’d never hire anyone who doesn’t do spreadsheets outside of work…”

Dan Hon (@hondanhon)Sun, 09 May 2021 20:20 +0000

https://twitter.com/fingerbIaster/status/1391419831308541954

LOL when i made my hubs come to a birthing class as soon as we sat down he said to me “you’re all a bunch of sluts but hey at least we know you put out amiright” i might’ve peed a little laughing at it too

𝓢𝓪𝓶𝓶𝓲 (@Sammi_Sativa)Sun, 09 May 2021 16:33 +0000

everyone loves milfs because you know there's a historical precedent for hitting it raw

j̴̢͘҉i̸̢͞z̛̛̀҉͞z̡͞w̶̵̢͜͞i̡͘t̸͝͝c̸͝h̀͏ (@fingerbIaster)Sun, 09 May 2021 15:48 +0000

funny meme i had to draw context will not be given

Coatl (@featheredsnek)Fri, 07 May 2021 23:44 +0000

D℞. TWEETGOOD (@dildog)Sat, 08 May 2021 01:59 +0000

Scientists: if we don’t act fast, the ice caps will only keep getting hotter The ice caps:

hannah (@TribalSpaceCat)Fri, 19 Mar 2021 19:39 GMT

what if the pandemic happened in 2009 instead

jay Dragon 🌄 (@jdragsky)Tue, 04 May 2021 22:10 +0000

is sysvinit better, or is systemd better? become enlightened. the right answer is that neither is good, because they make the computer turn on. the best init system is no init system. Let the computer stay off.

⁅Gateway of last resort⁆ (@Wxcafe)Mon, 03 May 2021 22:21 +0000

I can't wait to start at my new dev job next week. Here's the building I'll be working out of.

Jack Forge (@TheJackForge)Sun, 02 May 2021 05:52 +0000

For the #CaptainTom100  challenge, I’m delighted to announce I’ll be smoking 100 joints Thank you for your support.

Jaimi Shrive (@Jaimi_Shrive)Sat, 01 May 2021 11:41 +0000

I've decided to take a break from my mental health and just completely focus on work this week.

half vaccinated overcaffinated bat (@mzbat)Mon, 26 Apr 2021 14:02 +0000

new intel 14 nm uarch just dropped

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new summer getaway ✨

emily!! (@oksoumhi)Fri, 23 Apr 2021 21:17 +0000

delan (@dazabani)Sun, 25 Apr 2021 04:25 +0000

Charlotte McGrath (@mc_lotta)Fri, 23 Apr 2021 21:49 +0000

made an absolutely devastating typo in the group chat

brady ➐ (@zipoffs)Thu, 22 Apr 2021 21:14 +0000

I thought I may have had to concede that tweet you made was pretty funny but I noticed you didn't encapsulate the entirety of the human condition so better luck next time pal.

Chicken Skin Isabella (@sadsleepygirl23)Sun, 18 Apr 2021 15:41 +0000

How dare you tweet something which fails to consider every possible facet of human experience

Honey, as a bit (@benegotherit)Mon, 19 Apr 2021 20:52 +0000

What has the Platform Team ever done for us?

Ian Miell (@ianmiell)Tue, 20 Apr 2021 08:21 +0000

who decided to call them NFTs instead of GIF Certificates???

adam j. sontag (@ajpiano)Sun, 18 Apr 2021 19:30 +0000

Ah Mr Bond, it seems to me that you need to work on finely controlling your speed on corners... if you ever hope to step to me

Kill James Bond! (@KillJamesBond)Sun, 11 Apr 2021 21:36 +0000

“Just got vaccinated this summer’s about to be lit!”

Danny Neary (@itsdannyneary)Sun, 11 Apr 2021 03:10 +0000